Rihanna And Marshawn Lynch Would Be A Sex Tape For The Ages

“You holding? Let’s go back to my crib.”

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this since last night. Tossed and turned until about 4 AM thinking what would happen if Rihanna and Marshawn Lynch hooked up. Who would fuck who? Because while Beast Mode is Beast Mode, Rihanna is Rihanna. Sure, Marshawn probably wears knee pads and Timbs to fuck like all those black guys do in porn, but Rihanna has a trail of broken dicks in her wake. Most celebrity sex tapes I just watch for entertainment, not really jerk off value, but this one would be for neither. This one would be sheer curiosity. Just need to know what it looks like when an unstoppable force fucks an immovable object. I really can’t decide who would win. And yes, I think you’d call it winning. Sex would be a pay per view fight between these two, like in the Lion King when Simba and Nala are fighting then realize “Oh shit, we’re flirting.” That’s how sex works between Marshawn and Rihanna, rolling around and wrestling until they realize they came.

Also loved this last night. Rihanna chatting it up with the Warriors owner until his wife put the kibosh on that real quick.